I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
