Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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