her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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