If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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