I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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