all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
