I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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