Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
