Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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