I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
