If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
