So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Who died my cat blue again?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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