I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
