I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
