So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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