matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
