ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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