yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
