That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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