I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
