his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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