There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
