Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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