And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
