This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you never un-have a 4some
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