my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were trust falling into bushes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
