I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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