I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
