i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
