well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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