i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
