we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
