She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
