What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
