My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
