i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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