Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
