Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
