3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
