I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
