watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
