My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
