I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
