are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
