does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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