is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
