textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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