the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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