guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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