If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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