it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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