You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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