She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
