fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
