Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
