White coat. Heels.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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