So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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