It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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