whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
