I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
