wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My balls are so social today.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
