Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
