I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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