I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
