And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
